'Stop making decisions for me:' Parents Overstep Adult Daughter's Boundaries by Changing Doors and Windows in Her New Home Without Her Permission, Igniting Argument Over Independence

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 20, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-spillin' ladies. Buying a home and escaping the seemingly endless Samsara of paying rent is every young adult's dream. However, becoming a homeowner does come with some unexpected problems. Previous residents of the house might have made some bizarre or just downright ugly choices. You may have to deal with half-finished projects, painted-over spiders, or peeling linoleum covering a beautiful hardwood floor underneath. Small repairs quickly add up, and suddenly Home Depot trips become as necessary and frequent as grocery store runs. New home owners may find themselves constantly answering the door  to contend with salesmen offering new alarm systems, roofing, or pest control. 

An issue that most new homeowners do not expect is to come home to new windows and doors. In our story today, a woman's parents cross a major line by attempting to make changes to her new house without her permission. Furious at their obsession with making decisions for her, she calls them out, leading to a furious argument over boundaries. Scroll down for all the deets.

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  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/Kay2Free 4h AITA for arguing with my parents, because they bought new windows and doors for my new home without asking?
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 02
    I (30f) got into a huge argument with my parents today, because they just decided by themselves to change all my windows and doors in the house that I bought (they don't live with me), without even asking me once what I want (designwise) or if I even want it. It's already done, they ordered everything and things will be delivered next week.
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 03
    They told me I'm an ungrateful kid who doesn't know anything about life and I should just close my mouth and take it, since they are paying for it anyway.
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 04
    BUT!!! I DIDN'T ASK them to nor did I want to change the doors at this moment, since I'm taking out all floors and bathroom tiles (which is super messy and dusty), so the old doors are great since I don't have to be careful with them. (They threw all doors out today already, when I came to the house all doors were inside the garbage container)
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 05
    They think because they can blow $ into my face I should just accept it. I feel bad that I got mad with them since money- wise this is a very generous "gift", but on the other side they are way over the line imo.
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 06
    Edit since asked a lot: In my family, it's normal to have all keys to all the houses. My parents and siblings all got keys, since I got theirs as well. However I don't go there unannounced or without permission (nor do my siblings), only my parents are going mad here. Lol ۵ 1,363 625 D D
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 07
    MerlinBiggs⚫ 4h NTA. They've undermined you as a homeowner and as an adult. You don't have anything to be grateful for. Send them back when they arrive. Can you rescue the doors and put them back? Get the doors and windows you actually want in your own time. ... Reply 1.6k
    via u/MerlinBiggs
  • 08
    Kay2Free OP. 4h >> They've undermined you [...] as an adult. Not the first time unfortunately I can maybe rescue some doors, that don't have bathroom debris on it. 485
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 09
    Ducky818 3h NTA. I'm sure they thought they were being helpful and generous but that is too far past the line without asking permission. They took off your doors but the ones they ordered are being delivered next week? What are you doing for doors? And I guess with no doors, they don't need a key.
    via u/Ducky818
  • 10
    You don't have to give them a key. And it might be best to not give them one and change any remaining locks. With no key, they cannot come in to do other renovation and maintenance projects as well as not do any redecorating. ← an û 42
    via u/Ducky818
  • 11
    mortefina 4h · NTA. Its your home, you bought the house. Call and cancel the order or refuse the delivery and explain that you as the owner never authorized the purchase. If your parents have keys, change the locks and set some boundaries. Guilt over something you didn't ask for is a control device they use to hold in obligation to them Eta typo ... Reply 599
    via u/mortefina
  • 12
    Kragbax • 3h Better yet, call and delay delivery and installation for a month. That gives you time to do your work, clean up, THEN get them delivered and installed. If there's a coat to delay delivery, just have them put it on your parents tab. Lol ... Д 18
    via u/Kragbax
  • 13
    Kay2Free OP. 4h I don't even know the contractor... couldn't call anyone, my parents didn't provide any documents or pictures, because I "don't know about these things anyway" (which is not true, but hey.....) ← 159
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 14
    bakarac • 4h You've got to stand up for yourself at some point or this will just keep happening. ... 58043 д
    via u/bakarac
  • 15
    sparklyspooky • 4h Call the non emergency police and ask if this qualifies for breaking and entry or vandalism. 60
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 16
    dragonwolf60 • 4h Want to bet they were planning to use the we bought all the doors an windows for your house. We should be allowed to.live with you now we are retired card. ← Reply 79
    via u/dragonwolf60
  • 17
    Kay2Free OP. 3h I am afraid that they'll hold this over my head... Also one thing why I didn't ask them for any money ← 42
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 18
    Beautiful-Scale2046 • 3h Do not accept the delivery. Period. Q 44
    via u/Beautiful-Scale2046
  • 19
    Hungry_Tradition5193 • 4h NTA Why would they think they can do that? did they invest in the house? or just being overbearing parents? Now is the time to put your foot down otherwise you will regret it later. Reply D 42
    via u/Hungry_Tradition5193
  • 20
    Kay2Free OP • 4h They are overbearing and controlling (Although they would never admit it). They do everything in the best interests of their child (according to them), but I get treated like a 12 year old.
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 21
    I bought the house myself, with my money. H I nahw! I KNEW stuff like that would Happen if i loaned money from them for the down-payment, which is exactly why I didn't ask for any money ever, but now it still Happened.. ← 37
    via u/Kay2Free
  • 22
    Unscannable • 3h Stuff like this will continue to happen until you take back the keys to your house or change the locks, as you never know how many copies have been made. ← 51
    via u/Unscannable
  • 23
    4th_chakra 4h It's your house. So no one touches it unless you give them permission. Which translates into: there may have been purchases, but no one is going to install them against your will.
    via u/4th_chakra
  • 24
    Your parents may have meant well, but the way they did it was not respectful of you, or your property. Maybe they have control issues? Maybe they wanted to show their money influence? What they were doing, outside of those, is buying modern doors and windows to replace the energy inefficient older ones. Winter heating an entire house isn't a joke.
    via u/4th_chakra
  • 25
    They stepped on your toes. You didn't like it. BUT, it is still a very generous gift. Windows and doors aren't cheap. NTA for getting mad at over-stepping parents.. but you might regret not taking the gift anyway. Reply 215
    via u/4th_chakra

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family drama entitled parents toxic Female Empowerment adulting homeowner reddit story relationships love boundaries reddit thread daughter Reddit parents entitled people
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